I first discovered yoga in my late teens and quickly decided it was not for me,I liked a good hard workout and lots of ‘pain’ for the ‘gain’.
I then tried Pilates (equipment) in my late 20’s in Sydney at one of the first studios to open. This seemed more me and I spent many lunch times upside down and inside out in various contraptions. But it was short lived as I found I couldn’t justify the cost and the time – I travelled a lot as a software consultant and just couldn’t make it work.
I then discovered ‘body building’ and fell in love with the aim to compete but never quite getting there – work always got in the way. In those days your stretch consisted of walking from the car into the gym and out again after a gruelling few hours!! And your mantra – ‘no pain no gain’. How we abused our bodies!!
Fast track to a few years ago and my whole world shattered, I found myself alone, unable to trust anyone not even myself as I came to the harsh realisation that I had been living a lie – thinking I was happily married when in fact it appeared I wasn’t. Being a normally upbeat sort of person I couldn’t cope and in my darkest hour organised my check out.
Would you believe yoga saved my life.
I joined a local fitness studio and met my angel, Vicky and her partner Mitch. Half my age but oh so wise. I don’t know if she really knew how hard the day to day struggle truly was but she kept me focused. I would train to exhaustion each and every time we met. But every night I would go home and sit on the floor of my wardrobe and cry and spiral further downwards into the depths of despair.
Vicky introduced me to yoga, and it was the hardest thing I ever did – to acknowledge and overcome my fears, to still the mind, to focus 110% on me, Vicky taught me, through yoga, the power of your mind and the power of the breath – the power of you – and that it’s OK not to be OK and her favourite saying ‘ life is impermanent.
IMPERMANENT – not permanent.
“life has value precisely because it is transient and impermanent”
I had always been so giving to everyone around me – husband, children, friends and so very hard on myself. But on my mat, I realised that we are all individuals and you only get one chance at life and it’s up to you to give it your best. We are all on a journey, I had lost my way, busy trying to be a wife and mother. When my husband left me I was lost – but in being lost I found myself. I returned to who I was before all the stress and abuse and trying to be.
Every so often I struggle with my past, seeing it as a terrible loss. But I realise that what would have been even more terrible would have been the destruction to those lives of the ones I love if I had kept on the path I was on. And life, all life, has value.
There are only two emotions love and fear. Whilst I believe with all my heart I am a creature of love I now recognise that in those dark moments fear creeps in and doesn’t require much feeding to overshadow love. And that’s when I hit the mat, usually messy as hell. It’s interesting that my yoga training has helped me recognise my fears and insecurities, helped me realise you cannot hide from fear you have to face it head on and deal with it. It has helped me realise why I do the things I do. And how has it helped, yoga and breath has helped me stop and truly think about myself. I cannot change the world but I can change how I react.
Through yoga, I now meditate daily. I fill my world with positive affirmations and my daily mantra these days is ‘I am worthy, I am enough, I am me’ – still working on the ‘I am loved’ but I believe ‘I am me’ is far more powerful to me than to be loved by another.
If I can make one person smile, if I can make one person feel better about themselves, if I can change one person’s life, if I can make one person smile, if I can bring one person back from the brinks of despair then I am truly worthy.
Come join me on my journey.
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Rosalie is currently completing her Level 1 Yoga NRG Teacher Training program with Tammy Williams in Port Macquarie
Thank you to Christie from Innovate in Port Macquarie for hosting the training at your studio and supporting our Yoga NRG Teacher Trainees and spreading Yoga to your community !